Topic: I'd Like Your Opinion On Coming Out

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Ace Centurion
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I'd Like Your Opinion On Coming Out
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I know we usually talk about more lighthearted things on this forum, but I'm starting to become concerned and I'd like your opinions. If this isn't a good place for it, please let me know.

I tend to be very open about my sexuality when I'm asked about it or it fits the conversation, but I don't generally come out to people without prelude. The only people I've actively told are some of my close friends when I was first learning about my sexuality and potential SO's. I personally don't like doing it because I would never tell people that I'm heterosexual, so why would I tell them that I'm not? I realize that it's important for some people, but it isn't for me.

That brings me to my parents. They're both welcoming and understanding people. I'm sure that I'd be safe coming out to them as anything and that they'll support me no matter what. I've flat out told them my opinion on coming out and said that if they have questions or want to talk about it (about me or in general) that I'm happy to chat, but I'm not going to talk about it if they don't want to. I also have a couple ace shirts that they've seen, so I'm almost certain that they know.

They've just never asked me about it or alluded to a question. I'm not sure if they're afraid or hesitant to ask, or if they just don't know. I've known about my aceness for three years, but it's never come up in regular conversation. What I'm worried about is, am I doing them a disservice by not telling them? Or do you think it would be better to just let it go? I don't care if they know; I just don't want them to feel like they can't know.



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Ace Explorer
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My stance on coming out sounds a bit similar to yours, apart from the SOs since I'm aromantic. I told a couple of people when I first realised, and I'll tell if asked, otherwise if it doesn't come up I don't tend to raise it. My family don't know as it's just not something we'd generally talk about.

If it's causing you worry by not telling them, or you feel as if you're being dishonest, then maybe in this case it would be better to just come out with it in the interest of full disclosure. Not looking for support or validation, just 'this is part of who I am' kind of thing. It sounds like you don't think it'll change things between you and them, so maybe it's just a case of putting it on the table and not worrying about it anymore?

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When I came out to my parents, it was mostly about me -- I wanted to be myself, fully myself, in their presence and not dance around parts of my life anymore. Now I see that was also about them -- it was about honoring their faith in me, honoring their trust in me, and honoring their love for me. So, one of the things to consider is the tension you feel about sharing parts of your life -- would you be comfortable sharing going to a Pride event wearing an Ace flag or would you shy away from sharing this? If you feel tension, it is likely that they do to. This type of tension, if you are feeling it, can be relieved through openly sharing about yourself with them. Of course, this trust, this faith in them, is an intimate decision that only you can make. Be you and know that whatever you choose to do that there are many in the world who support you being you.



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Peace,

Derek J.

mel
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Kimmy, thanks for bringing this up. I feel the same way, so I don't really have much to add. I don't typically think that being asexual/aromantic is particularly salient to most environments and situations I find myself in, but every once in a while, it becomes relevant when people innocently (?) ask about my love life. I answer as honestly as I can, without bringing up either "A" words. Invariably, the convo changes tone to a typically paternalistic assumption of my naïveté/innocence. It happened today, and it's kind of bothering me (especially after a bizarre incidence of borderline sexual harassment yesterday that I'm still trying to parse). Best of luck to you, Kimmy! My dms (if we have them on this forum) are open if you want to rant!

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Ace Centurion
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Thank you for all of your kind words and advice.

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We can never forget that a human exists within all of us.

 
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